Friday August 19th

She's still very lethargic. Wednesday Maxine was very worried that the end was near, but Thursday she perked up again and we could "see the Cassie in her eyes". And when we do, we know that it would be unjustified to put her to sleep. As far as we can tell, she's not in pain. We are, but only in the sense that Cassie's demise is coming, whether in the next hour or 2 months from now.

At the start of the week I was optomistically saying things like, it wasn't inconceivable that Cassie would be alive for Thanksgiving. But, now we aren't nearly as sure. We wonder will it be August or September (giving us the chance to get out of town in October --- as disloyal as that sounds). We make no plans; even evenings out are limited. And most days one of us is at home with her. I'm sure that in the nearly 6 months since this began, she hasn't been alone for more than 60 hours, if that.

She's starting to leak again, 4 times in 3 days by the end of Thursday. Maxine wanted to take her back in to the vet to see if the bladder infection has returned. Some slight leaking today and complete resistance to peeing (does she even feel the urge to urinate? is she aware she's leaking?). So, testing at 3:30 today. Results early next week. Either way, not good news. If she doesn't have another bladder infection, is she worn out from the tumor or whatever it is doing to her? Or, if it is an infection, how will she react to taking the antibiotics again, since they make her not want to eat.

And (!) we've had a couple days now of her not wanting to eat much, if at all. This morning, to try and get some food in her, Maxine put down 1)the normal kibbles, 2)a scrambled egg, 3)white rice, 4)cottage cheese. She ate some of the cheese and egg, but not nearly a full helping. We're not sure what to do. And I'm reminded of the days before my father died, when he lost his appetite. I subsequently read that that happens when the body shuts down, realizing that it just doesn't need the food to sustain. I, and Maxine worry that Cassie might be saying the same thing....