We're getting closer to the end...

...and it makes us more and more uncomfortable.

Last night as we all went to bed Cassie was doing what I call "guppie puppy" opening and closing her mouth, but wider than she used to do it. Once years ago we'd found some food stuck in the back of her throat, but not any other time. Historically we've ignored it since it seemed to go away pretty quickly. But, we'd read something that said it could be related to the seizures. And, since it was a wider open-the-mouth, we got out of bed to see what was up. Couldn't find anything in her throat. Went back to bed. She's still doing it. Get up again. We decide to try to get her to drink some water. She won't (just like Ally in that regard). We give her a snausage, which makes her thirsty and we do get her to drink, which seems to calm down the reflex, so we go to bed.

At 2am Cassie is by Maxine's side of the bed and wakes Maxine up by throwing up (mind you, when she barfs it's only a couple table spoons worth). Maxine wakes me up and we both jump up to comfort Cassie. Technically, this makes 2 vomiting episodes w/in 24 hours, so we're even more anxious that the end could be coming. We comfort Cassie, give her 2 oz of water, then head to bed. After lights out we realize she's by Maxine's side of the bed again, so we pull out the towels we call her 'nest' and put them there and Cassie goes to sleep there.

At 7am, she's still in the same spot. Unheard-of! I ask Maxine if Cassie is still in the same position as 3am (when we finally fell asleep). She's shifted some. I'm worried that Cassie might have died in hers (and our) sleep. Maxine gets out of bed and Cassie gets up.

We're nervous about the vomiting, and the several seizures. We'd called Dr. H's office yesterday but no one called back, so Maxine calls again at 8:15 am and the tech, Gina, says that she'll be talking to Dr. H in 15 mins. We go about our day, waiting... at 8:40, Dr. H herself calls us. She murmers comforting things, but the net is that these could easily be signs that the end is coming closer. She doesn't want to change Cassie's seizure meds again (we increased the dosage a week ago Monday) until she's been at this level 3-4 weeks (it's not said, but we all know that Cassie could be dead in 3-4 weeks). We get the tough true story about why you rush a dog to the hospital if the seizure goes on too long. Fundamentally, she's be dying then. Dr. H says to bring her to McClave (and I confirm, "to put her to sleep"). Answer yes. And elaborates, that that's if their office is closed. Anyway, we know what to do.

Dr. H suggests pepcid for the barfing and I rush out to the grocery store to get it. They have a bogo, so I buy 60 tablets (1/4 pill each day) fully expecting NOT to go through all of them. I feel so much that this is like 2 years ago when Maxine had her shoulder surgery. We're dedicating our lives to care, rushing out for small comforts...