Unwinding Paris

I took a step towards unwinding our planned fall trip to Paris this morning. Maxine & I had it all worked out, our travel schedule for the next few years, taking into account our expectations about Cassie's health as an 11 3/4 year old dog (12 by this fall). 2011 3 months in Paris -- Cassie will still be young enough to go on an extended trip like that, 2012 we go to Africa for 2 weeks and she stays in the kennel -- Cassie will still be young enough (at 12-13, depending on when in 2012 we go) to handle 2 weeks in the kennel. 2013 a month driving trip of the southwestern US, with Cassie in the car -- Cassie will be a senior dog by this point, but she should still be able to handle the car rides, we'll have simpler days, and get to enjoy them with her. Hubris. It's when you think you can control the world, can make it all work out the way you want. All of the prior paragraph is true, and it's something we'd outlined in plans we'd developed in 2010. And now, we're unwinding the Paris trip, waiting for Cassie to die before we even pick travel dates for Africa in 2012, and mentally delaying Paris for 3-4 more years. Maxine wrote to our Paris apartment landlord cancelling. And today I started trying to figure out how to sell back our tickets to the Jimmy Buffett at L'Olympia concert for this September. Last summer, 2010, we decided not to spend the money to go to Buffett in Los Angeles that year, because we knew we'd get tickets to see him in Paris in 2011. We're not. No, missing a Jimmy Buffett concert is not a big deal. But, it's an indicator of just how far and how entrenched our Paris planning had been. We've been talking, specifics, about this trip for over a year. And, on the strength of an MRI and a report from our cleaning lady (who we trust completely), we're willingly allowing a 12 pound dog to change all of our plans. She means that much to us. To put a harsh light on it, here's our logic. Right now, she has good days and bad days, but only glimpses of great days of the past. While by September, and October, and November (when we'd be there) she may be as good as now, it would be a real stretch, asking a lot of her, to trundle with us over there. Unfamiliar territory. Long plane rides. New people and smells. And, worst of all, a risk of vet care that we don't understand. So, if this is as good as she gets, we can't ask her to go to Paris with us. We'll be home holding her paws, patting her stomach, and reassuring her that she's OK. I'm very sad writing this, and I know it's the best possible outcome for our fall 2011. If she's died by the fall, we're going to be practical people and go someplace for an extended stay that wouldn't have taken dogs, London or Sydney perhaps. I know we're lucky to have choices like this. And I know that the sadness and inevitability of the heartache of losing dogs is part of the human experience. But, especially with Cassie in the midst of a couple of good health days, all of this is bitter sweet...